Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
