Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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