I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
