Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
