You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
