Porn is love you can see.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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