Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
