ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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