so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
