I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
