I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
