I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
