We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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