I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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