I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
