Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
even my farts smell like vagina
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
