I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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