Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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