it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
