i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
