It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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