Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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