I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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