I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
