Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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