I'm so fucking centered right now
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
