I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
