all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
