She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
