I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i drank out of a bidet.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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