Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
