Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
