Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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