I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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