girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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