I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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