i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
