I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
