I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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