She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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