Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the condom got lost in my hair
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
