My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
