I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
