I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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