I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
