I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I know her cup size but not her name....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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