This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
