I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
