Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
