So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
