The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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