Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
