nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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