coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
