Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
